


Where It Counts

by orphan_account



Series: Winteriron Prompts [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel
Genre: Android!Tony, Angst, Little bit of Fluff, M/M, perhaps not enough fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6536398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is something off about Tony. He resolves within himself that as soon as he figures it out, he’ll be able to make a move without this hesitancy. He’s just hoping what he finds won’t make him fall out of those feelings for Tony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where It Counts

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the [WinterIron](http://imaginetonyandbucky.tumblr.com/) tumblr. Fulfills [itsrandomgenkid's](http://itsrandomgenkid.tumblr.com/) prompt:
> 
> "Imagine Android!Tony. What if Howard's greatest creation wasn't a human boy, but a machine? Based on art by Horns of mischief ."
> 
> Also, you may note that there is a second chapter to tag onto all this. It happens to be an extra scene that would've made the prompt fill way too long (I try not to go over 4 parts). Perhaps it fits with everything else, perhaps it doesn't, but I thought I'd share it with you all anyway. Enjoy!

There is something off about Tony. Bucky can’t put his finger on it, can’t figure out what the little bits of evidence are telling him, but he just can’t ignore them: his skin is cold as death, he doesn’t complain about being hot or cold even when Steve - who hates complaining - can’t stand the temperature, he takes hard hits that should put him up in Medical for days but gets away unscathed. And that’s the most recent evidence, never mind about the major lack of appetite and sleep he noticed only days after getting dragged to the Tower.

Bucky’s afraid to bring it up, though, because Tony is just so… so nice. He’s hospitable enough to let people into his home before even knowing them well enough. He offers up his services as a repairman to a man who killed his father. He took a group of broken people and made them his friends, his family, without any thought to how much it would take out of him. Not to mention how hot he is, how every atom in his body just screams charisma. If Bucky thought he had a chance, he would have made a move long ago.

But besides all his dysfunction, he’s hesitant to fall into bed with someone who feels off the way Tony does. He feels like a total asshole for it, letting something that is probably nothing keep him from taking action, but it’s just… he doesn’t want to ignore his instincts. It’s really a mental tug of war for him, between the instincts he always remembers being there and the feelings that, while new, feel familiar right down to his very bones. He resolves within himself that as soon as he figures out what is bothering him, he’ll be able to make a decision without this hesitancy. He’s just hoping what he finds won’t make him fall out of those feelings for Tony.

* * *

“You know what I’m surprised by?” Bucky says idly, relaxed in his seat across from Tony as his arm goes through its routine maintenance. Once Tony hums to show he’s listening and curious, Bucky answers his question, “Why you don’t have your suits on display.”

Tony freezes mid-inspection, and it causes Bucky to stiffen in response. It’s only a brief handful of seconds, but even after Tony gets back into working out some kinks, Bucky can’t seem to relax enough. “Meh, it’s my workshop,” Tony says with forced nonchalance. “Why do I need to have them staring at me while I’m working on projects?”

“‘Cause you want to keep up appearances of a huge ego?”

Tony snorts, then giggles, leaning back and crinkling his eyes as he looks up at Bucky. Despite the weird moment earlier, Bucky relaxes know he didn’t inadvertently ruin their friendship. If he were to ever lose this, this easiness between him and Tony, he doesn’t know what he would do with himself. Things would probably go back to how they were before Bucky loosened up.

He hates before. He never wants to go back to before.

“I’m pretty sure I do a good enough job of that with my press conferences alone, don’t you think?” Tony says, bringing Bucky’s attention back to the conversation. “Besides, only the team and Pep have permission to come in here. And I’m pretty sure they saw through my bullshit long ago.”

Bucky smiles. “Yeah, pretty sure. But how where’s it at, if not out on display? How do you get to it to make repairs?” There’s not really a landing pad so much as there’s some high-tech version of a service elevator on the roof of the Tower, specifically made to take Tony straight here. Does it double as storage for the suit? What about the other suits he has? Because Bucky knows he’s seen at least four other suits used in the field, all with their own special purposes.

Tony scratches at the back of his head nervously, shrugging. “I don’t really keep it assembled. JARVIS just holds onto the pieces for me in a secure, inaccessible area and pulls them out when I think of doing specific improvements. I don’t have to worry about repairs to it, I’ve got it all automated.”

Bucky blinks, surprised Tony was willing to share that much. And he’s just a little - okay, a lot impressed. “Wow.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Shut up, that’s really cool.” Tony glances back to him in reserved surprise. “Seriously, I don’t know why I keep hearing one thing about your Tower, about what you do to maintain everything, about you really, and think that I can’t be any more impressed. And then I hear another thing. Just an endless cycle of being impressed with you.” Bucky swallows, realizing maybe he’s said too much. He clenches his jaw to make sure no more sappy, lovesick stuff comes spewing out, but judging by the look on Tony’s face, he’s probably already said too much.

Tony sits back, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow. “I impress you, huh?”

Instinct tells him this will end best, but his feelings point out the look in Tony’s eyes, and thinks he looks just as hopeful as Bucky is. So he takes a steadying breath and replies, “Pretty hard not to be, really. You keep exceeding my expectations, and I just…” He just doesn’t know what to do with that, whether to be put out that he keeps on underestimating Tony or to be pleased that Tony consistently pushes him to set new expectations.

Tony’s inscrutable for all of a minute, and then breaks out of it with a smile that’s more vulnerable, more genuine than Bucky’s seen before. It sets his heart aflutter, which sounds ridiculous but it’s really the only word that describes how he feels. The more accurate he wants to be, the more words he has to use, and right now, he’s too focused on what could happen to worry about an accurate estimation of his heart.

“Well, then,” Tony finally says, moving forward to close up panels on Bucky’s bicep, his hand lingering on and caressing the metal. “How impressed would you be if I asked you to dinner?”

Bucky’s heart soars at those words, and decides right then that he can live with the little doubts. They really don’t detract from Tony and who he is as a man, and are only holding him back from finally being happy. “Depends. Where are we going for dinner?”

* * *

Half a year, and Bucky is beyond lovesick with Tony. Completely head over heels in love doesn’t seem adequate, either, but he doesn’t want to try and quantify his love. Otherwise he’s going to get into another cyclical argument with himself, like the one that kept him from taking a chance before. Now it could keep him from enjoying everything the way he wants to. So yeah, he just says he’s in love with Tony and leaves it at that as he takes Tony some food, takes the tools out of his hands after a three-day work marathon, takes him to bed and takes him apart. He’s on Cloud 9, and if he’s reading Tony right, he’s feeling the same.

Occasionally those doubts from the beginning come back, but he’s quick to rationalize them away. Maybe Tony’s body temp is just lower than everyone else’s, maybe he’s hardy no matter how cold or hot it is outside, maybe his armor is just that amazing and keeps major hits from doing any damage. It’s easy to explain it back into dormancy and then turn his attention to his boyfriend - boyfriend, holy shit, if Bucky before the War could see him now.

But Bucky hates himself a little bit because he can’t shake how instinct tells him to push for answers. He hates that he can’t just relax completely into Tony’s embrace, whether it be at movie night or after a couple rounds of fantastic sex.

It doesn’t matter, though. He will love Tony completely, no matter what he may be hiding. He has to believe that his trust isn’t unfounded, or else he might lose it.

* * *

Two weeks before his birthday, they get an Avengers call. It goes to shit so fast Bucky’s pretty sure he’s got whiplash. Could also be a potential concussion, but he’s not really paying attention. He’s trying to gather his wits so he can see where his captors took him. Kind of tough to do with the rag tied tight around his eyes and the shackles cinching his hands behind his back. He just takes it one step at a time, breathe through the pain and then push himself up into a sitting position with a slight groan.

“H-hey, you’re awake.” Tony’s voice breaks over him, unsteady and stuttering. “G-good. Improves our ch-chances of get-getting out of h-here.”

“Tony?” He croaks, testing the shackles to see how super-soldier-proof they are. “You don’t sound good. What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. Slight mal-mal- just, don’t w-worry about it, y-yeah?”

“No, I’m absolutely going to worry about it. Tell me what’s wrong.” The shackles are tough, but the chains feel more flimsy, so he starts pulling at it to break the links.

“If I t-tell you, you’ll st-start to panic, and that’s not, that’s not what we need r-right now. I’m n-not hurt. N-nothing I can-can’t fix.”

The chains finally break, and he rips the rag off his face, but he finds the room is dark enough to make opening his eyes pointless. Damn. Where’s Daredevil when you need him? He starts shuffling on his knees, his hands out in front of him as he starts searching for Tony. “What’s wrong with your reactor light? Did it go out?”

“The re- reactor’s fine. I had t-to shut it o-off so they wo-wouldn’t catch u-us. I g-got us out. J-just need to w-wait things out.”

“Then why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong? The more you hold off, the more likely I’m gonna panic, you idiot.” At that moment, his knee slips slightly in something wet, and he shoots his hands down so he doesn’t fall flat on his face. His hands slap down into what he might have mistaken for a puddle of water, if not for how thick and sticky it is. He pulls his flesh hand away, rubs it between his fingers, and promptly loses his shit.

Because this feels a lot like blood.

“Turn your light on, Tony.”

“I-if I turn it on-” Tony’s voice sounds more panicked, but it sounds much closer than before like he’s lying down, oh _god_.

“Turn the _fucking_ light on now.” Bucky’s voice matches the panic in Tony’s because he’s not ready for this, he’s not ready to see Tony bleeding out. He’s hoping that this is someone else’s blood, but instinct tells him that he’s hoping in vain. This blood doesn’t feel old enough.

Tony sighs, and with a moment of tense silence, the light comes back on.

If not for the serum in his blood, Bucky’s sure the sight he’s met with would’ve killed him. Because Tony is fucking _dying_ right in front of him. He’s lying right in front of him, laying in a puddle of blood that’s much bigger than Bucky was expecting. There’re dents and scratches scattered across his armor’s chest plate, but the most glaring problem is the hole in his abdomen.

“Oh _god_.” Bucky sobs, shooting forward in the vain attempt to staunch the blood, to keep Tony from getting up, to just keep his lover alive. “ _Tony…_ ”

“O-okay,” Tony, despite the off tone of his voice, seems far too calm about all this, and that puts the fear in Bucky more than anything else, because he remembers people acting the same way before they let death take them and _god, that can’t happen_. “It’s, it’s not as bad as it l-looks.”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me right now,” Bucky’s voice is wrecked, which seems to fit the tears running down his face and the way his heart felt like it stopped ages ago. “You’re, god, Tony.” It’s hopeless. This, Bucky can’t fix this. He’s going to lose Tony. One of the few people who makes pushing forward each day worthwhile, and he’s going to lose him. He leans back, trying to keep himself from going hysterical with grief. He’ll have time for that later. He needs to be here in the moment for Tony.

“B-Bucky,” Tony breaks him out of his thoughts with a hand on his knee, “babe, I s-swear, it’s okay.” He tries to shift up, but Bucky plants a hand on his shoulder.

“D-don’t,” Bucky manages. “Save… save your energy, honey. Please.” He must sound as desperate as he feels because Tony just looks at him and complies without argument. He sighs shakily, cupping Tony’s face with his hands. “Tony, I… I love you. So much.”

Tony’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth as if to contest that, but Bucky shakes his head. “No, let me… let me say this, please? I can’t… you need to hear what I have to say before…” He swallows down the sob that wants to push through, and ignores Tony’s frown to continue: “When I said you exceeded my expectations, I meant it. You should hate me, Tony. I killed your parents, among so many other people, and yet you opened your arms and let me live with you. You made me feel like I had a home again, that I deserved to have a home again, and it was so much more than I expected, hoped for. I would’ve been perfectly fine settling with that, but you exceeded my expectations again and trusted me with your heart. The fact you think I deserve all this trust, the fact you love me despite my past, it’s so much more than I could have hoped for. I just…” he sniffs bitterly and leans down to kiss Tony gently. “I just wish we could have had that for longer. I’d give anything to spend my life like that, sharing it with you. And I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t keep you safe like I should’ve.”

Tony’s eyes look guilty, and strangely alert for someone who has lost as much blood as he has. “I l-love you, too, B-Bucky.” He shifts his hand up to cup Bucky’s face in return. “I love y-you so much. So, ah, j-just rem-remember that, ‘kay?” He sighs, looking away. “Shit, f-feel like such a-an asshole.”

“It’s not your fault, darlin’.” Bucky presses into Tony’s touch. “You didn’t do this to… I… what is that smell?” He can’t believe he’s getting distracted by the oily smell on Tony’s hand, but he had expected the smell of iron instead. He swipes his flesh through some of the blood on Tony’s face and brings it up to the reactor’s light. It… it looks clear, not the deep crimson he’s expecting. He hadn’t paid too much attention to it before, because Tony was dying. But this doesn’t look like blood, so what…?

“Y-yeah,” Tony looks sheepish, pushing to sit up despite Bucky’s protests. “It’s, it’s joint oil, c-coolant, and hydraulic flu-fluid.”

Bucky gapes at Tony, uncomprehending. “What?”

Tony takes Bucky’s hand, says, “I’m sorry,” and brings it to feel the hole in Tony’s abdomen. Bucky flinches away expecting the warm slip and slide of exposed muscle and organs, but it’s just… metal.

“I’m, uh. I c-can’t die like that, be-because I’m not h-human.”

* * *

Bucky’s left in a daze after that. He loses time, a lot of time because he can’t seem to wrap his head around what Tony said. He’s not human? But… but they’ve had sex. There’s no faking that. Is there? Once he’s able to resolve that he has no fucking clue what’s going on, he sort of comes back to himself to see that Steve is walking him to his room. Probably hoping to help him clean off the- Christ, the oil, and hydraulic fluid.

Bucky pushes away from Steve and murmurs, “I’ve got this, Stevie.”

Steve frowns or frowns harder than he has been. “You sure? I know how bad that shocked me, seeing him like that. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky lies, moving to his room of his own accord. “I can clean myself up.”

“Alright,” Steve says slowly, uncertain. “Just… you know where I am if you need me.”

“Yup.”

Once he’s cleaned up and changed into something far more comfortable than his uniform, he doesn’t go to Steve. He needs answers, and Steve can’t give him those.

* * *

He’s distantly surprised he’s not locked out of the workshop even with the blackout protocol keeping the glass opaque. Things look too normal for what he just found out though in the back he can see Tony getting out of his suit.

He can’t say he’s stepping out of it because he doesn’t wear it like just another outfit. Rather, it’s a second skin. The screws and rivets bind the suit directly to his body, though when the suit pulls away, the skin - is it even skin? - mechanically shifts to fill the void of the holes left behind. The chest piece is pulled away, and the hole in Tony’s torso makes it more obvious that he’s all machine rather than man. Tony’s murmuring about some repair chamber and debugging program, which both makes some sense and still boggles Bucky’s mind. He’s also distracted by the fact Tony’s completely naked. It should make sense given the suit binds to him rather than wrap around him, but it doesn’t stop him from staring, stunned.

Tony looks up from whatever he’s doing, and turns to face Bucky, unable to keep the uncertainty off his face. “H-hey.”

“Hi,” Bucky replies lamely, takes a couple steps forward before hesitating. “Um, I could leave.”

“No,” Tony rushes and makes an aborted shift forward but winces when he can’t get his legs to do more than keep him standing. “No, I… I want you to st-stay. It’ll be t-ten minutes, then we can,” he swallows, looking away, “then we can t-talk about it.”

Bucky can’t trust his voice, so he just nods in acceptance and Tony nods in return before sighing and moving towards an opening in the wall that was most certainly not there before. Tony steps in, mechanical arms come down, and Bucky sees him be systematically put back together. Bucky suddenly remembers that confession Tony made half a year ago, about the compartments he had hidden away for the suit, used only for repair. Tony did improvements by hand, relatively. It makes Bucky wonder what he does if he wants to improve something about his own body. Is his personal repair area also used to assist in improvements he can’t physically reach? Does he even do improvements to himself?

Before he can even touch that series of questions, Tony’s repairs are finished and he’s pulling clothes on over unbroken skin like he didn’t just have a hole in his torso. He finally claps his hands together, forcing nonchalance before lightly saying, “Alright, Buckaroo, where do you want me to begin?”

Bucky lips his lips, forcing his throat to work, “Um. What was wrong with your voice?”

Tony blinks in surprise, but quickly answers, “The surprise attack hit me pretty hard. Disrupted my speech matrix and dislodged a couple of my output cables. The words would be over-processed. Which is what causes the whole stuttering thing.”

Bucky nods, taking a seat on one of the workbenches because he knows this is going to be a lot of what he doesn’t completely understand. And sitting keeps him from doing something stupid, like leaving or trying to kiss Tony quiet and forgetting it all ever happened. “Okay.”

Tony hesitates, then moves forward to sit across from him on a stool. “I could… you’re probably wondering how the whole ‘son of Howard Stark’ thing happened.”

“Among other things.”

“Right. So, um, I guess I am, in a way, Howard’s son. I am a creation of his, probably one of his most successful if I do say so myself. I started out like JARVIS, just this AI with only a voice. But Howard coded me to be curious, to pass the Turing Test, because of course he would see it as a challenge. He didn’t give me a body until he believed I could pass the test, and the first body was basically a child’s body. He had me interviewed like I was his own kid to see if anyone could pick up on how I was anything. Three guesses how that turned out.”

Bucky took a while to absorb that information and then asked, “Did he… upgrade you to a different body after that?”

“Of a sort. He assisted, but it was up to me to design my own body. Another facet of his own humanity test, I guess, see if I wanted to look like everyone else or if I wanted to stand out. Surprise for him, I wanted both.”

Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. “So you… did you make this body? Every part of it?”

Tony nodded. “Pretty much. There was a little help figuring out the skin and hair so it felt organic but wouldn’t decay like actual skin and hair. The, ah,” and Tony actually blushes a bit, “the reproductive organs also needed a little help. That was probably the most awkward conversation between me and Howard. But hey, it works pretty much the same as any other guy’s dick, so I would say it’s a success.”

“But when you, when you come, what’s coming out?” Yeah, that’s definitely a blush on Bucky’s own face.

Tony’s eyes go a little wide and desperate. “It’s really complicated, and probably not what you want me talking about for a solid five minutes. So let’s focus on something else.”

Bucky nods, hesitates then asks, “Afghanistan?”

Tony’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t try to avoid the topic. “Story’s roughly the same. Only my power source was failing. I still made the arc reactor, I still made the suit. It was definitely the first time I realized I could suffer mental trauma. I mean, there was grief when Howard died, but it was nothing compared to… to that.” He gives a humorless smile. “So you know I wasn’t created this messed up.”

Bucky’s hands ball up into fists, and he blurts, “Shut up. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re not messed up, not any more than the rest of us.”

Tony hesitates, and Bucky knows that he doesn’t completely believe it, so Bucky finally stands up to close the distance between him and his lover. Because he wasn’t kidding when he told himself he’d stick with Tony no matter what he was hiding. He pulls Tony out of his seat and wraps him in a warm embrace. “Why not tell any of us? I get not at the beginning, but it’s been years now, Tony. You trust us, don’t you?”

Tony sighs, hugging Bucky tightly and burying his face in Bucky’s chest. “I know they think or at least thought that I’m mentally unstable. To realize that mentally unstable person is actually a mentally unstable android? Doesn’t really inspire trust, just plans to keep the android from taking over the world or something.”

Bucky sighs, no knowing how to refute that because yeah, if he didn’t know Tony so well, he probably would’ve jumped to the same conclusions. The way he behaved regarding Tony and his inhuman traits is enough to support that, and that was without realizing those traits were inhuman in the first place. He instead says, “Well, they know now, and I’m pretty sure they don’t feel that way. Otherwise, we would’ve gone straight to SHIELD HQ.”

“Yeah, small mercies, I guess.”

“I still mean what I said. Back when I thought…” He can’t bring himself to even dwell on what he thought, because it still hurts and part of him still expects this to be some dream following a mental break. “This doesn’t change any of that. You’re still Tony Stark, and I love Tony Stark.”

Tony huffs into his shirt, tightening his grip. “I love you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“It’s okay, that can be pretty scary, exposing that part of yourself that people might kill you over.”

Tony nods, and for a long while, they just stand together without saying anything, just… being. Bucky is under no delusions that their relationship hasn’t changed. It’s not worse, exactly, but they are in a new chapter, and it’s new enough that if they don’t treat it with care, it can break them apart so easily.

Fortunately, Bucky finds it so much easier to love Tony unconditionally.

* * *

Also fortunate is that when they bother to head up to the communal floor so Bucky can eat, everyone else seems rather chill about everything. Well, only after Tony decides to reveal his history and how he came to be Tony Stark. Steve seems surprised by Howard’s involvement, but even more in awe of Tony for being able to be a good man in spite of his origins. Natasha is quiet for a while after, staring Tony down until she finally says, “He’s right, you’re a good man.” Bucky’s not sure yet if Tony can tear up, but he seems very close to it after that.

After that, things seem to run as smooth as if nothing happened. Clint still talks trash at Tony when he feels slighted in their video game challenges. Thor still slaps him hard on the back if he’s told a particularly hilarious joke. Natasha remains enigmatic through it all, but she does seem to smile a bit more at Tony. Steve is probably the only one to be overtly different about it all. He doesn’t treat Tony with kid gloves, but he’s more careful and hesitant. When Tony finally yells at him to cut it out, Steve asks out of nowhere, “Was he… did you still hate him?”

It blindsides Tony, which is why he is brutally honest when he says, “I never saw him as a father because he never saw me as his son. Doesn’t mean he was terrible, though.” After that, Steve seems to settle knowing Tony didn’t have as miserable a beginning as he once believed.

But other than that, things are great. They’re still beating up the bad guys, still standing as role models for the world - Bucky snorts, ‘cause they are probably the least mature individuals to be role models - still spending time together laughing and celebrating.

And Bucky and Tony are still together, in love, trusting each other with their safety, their secrets, and their hearts.

 

* * *

A HYDRA base has been discovered, just when they thought they were free of the cancerous organization. Bucky’s probably the least surprised of the team. He’s given up long ago on the idea that HYDRA has been burned away permanently. So long as he lives, they live, too. And perhaps even beyond.

Tony seems as royally pissed as Steve is that they would dare show their face, and he’s just as brutal and efficient as the Captain when they touch ground outside the base. He’s not as talkative, but he contributes a snide remark every now and then, which reassures Bucky enough that he’s still alive and kicking.

He’s just taken down a group of thugs on the third basement level, stalking further into the base and ready to go down one more level when Tony’s voice comes over the comms, “Avengers, clear out of the base, they have a bomb set to blow.”

“Copy, Iron Man,” Steve replies. “Everyone, drop what you’re doing and get out as soon as you can. Iron Man, any way you can diffuse it?”

“Working on it right now, but no promises. They definitely made this needlessly complicated, which can only make it unstable if I’m not careful.”

“Understood. Be careful, Iron Man, if at any point you think you can’t diffuse it in time, pull out immediately.”

“No worries, Cap. I’ll get out safely.”

“You know,” Bucky grumbles as he jogs up the stairs to get to ground level, “I really hate it when you say it like that. ‘Cause you never get out safely.”

“Hey, no injuries means safe. And this big ol’ brain is always safe.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, slowing when he comes across Tony and the bomb he’s trying to diffuse on the first basement level. He’s surprised it’s not deeper into the base. HYDRA usually wants to keep their secrets out of enemy hands, through any means necessary. He moves closer to Tony, frowning. “You think it’s a series of bombs? Not like them to leave evidence behind.”

Tony hums in agreement. “Probably why it looks so complicated. Which makes trying to diffuse it even more difficult. I mean, who’s to say the deeper bombs are set for earlier times? What if diffusing this one sets the others off?” He groans, dropping his face into his hands. “God, why do they have to overcomplicate things? Why can’t one battle with HYDRA just go as planned?”

Bucky pats Tony sympathetically on the head. “There, there. Can’t have everything we want. What’s the countdown for this one?”

“Well, they were clever enough to include no visible counter, so I’m just waiting on JARVIS to… oh, shit.” He stands and turns to Bucky abruptly, flipping the visor up to stare at him in trepidation. “Get out. Go, now. We’ve only got three minutes, and it’s gonna be a chain reaction. That QuinJet needs to be in the air, or it’ll fall into the sinkhole that’ll be left over.”

Bucky gapes in dawning horror. “You’re not-”

“I still have a chance to diffuse them, but I can’t do that if I think you’re still here, in danger.” His eyes turn apologetic. “This is something your serum couldn’t repair. Please, Buck.”

Bucky gulps down every worry and instead pulls Tony into a passionate, desperate kiss. Once he pulls away, he breathes, “Please don’t get yourself killed, okay?”

Tony smiles tightly, stepping away to start working on the bomb. “Don’t worry, babe. Can’t be killed.”

Bucky shakes his head but starts running up to ground level, out to the QuinJet and yelling, “Get her off the ground now. There’s more than one bomb, it’ll take us out easy if we don’t get in the air.”

Steve frowns as Clint runs to the cockpit to get them out of harm’s way. “Where’s Iron Man?”

Bucky swallows his fear down and says simply, “Trying to lessen the blow.”

Steve’s jaw goes rigid, and he puts his comm back in to growl out, “Iron Man, get out of there right now. That’s an order.”

“Can’t, Cap,” Bucky hears Tony’s voice respond tersely. “If we want to make sure this doesn’t turn into a sinkhole the size of Rhode Island, I need to diffuse at least half the bombs here. I already have bombs one and two done for. Just one more. Scratch that, two more. I’ve bought myself some time, probably five more minutes, so-”

At that precise moment, the comm fizzles out, the ground rumbles loudly, and the base shudders before collapsing in on itself. Bucky feels his heart stop at the sight. Tony was on the second basement level and probably went down even further to diffuse the next ones. Oh god, how deep in was he?

“Iron Man, report,” Steve barks over the comm. “Iron Man. I repeat, report in, Iron Man.”

“J-JARVIS?” Bucky breathes. “JARVIS, please tell me he’s alive.”

“I have lost communication with the suit and Sir,” JARVIS replies, “But system connections seem to still be operable.”

“What does that even mean?” Steve bites out, pacing in agitation.

“It means Iron Man still has power,” Bucky replies distantly, “but JARVIS can’t tell for how long.”

“That is correct, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS confirms, which gives Bucky some relief. It means Tony hasn’t been lying to him about how he and the suit work. As they watch the base and the surrounding ground fall in on itself, Bucky realizes how helpless he is once again. There’s no way they’ll be able to get to Tony at this point, being as far down as he was. He… he could very well lose Tony after all.

Mere minutes later, JARVIS cuts in again, sounding subdued. “Sergeant Barnes. Sir has… lost power.”

Barnes’ heart stops, his blood turning to ice. “What? He, he can’t have, even with damage to the suit-”

“There was an energy spike starting when the explosion happened. Damage sustained from the base’s collapse caused a short out in Sir’s circuits.” JARVIS hesitates again or seems to anyway. “I am attempting to ascertain the reason behind the energy spike. I am sorry.”

Bucky drops into the nearest seat, cradling his head in his hands, trying to resolve that his love, his life just fell into his own grave. No one tries to sit beside him, tell him how everything will be okay, how sorry they are, and part of him hates them and loves them for that. Because right now, he’s still trying to wrap his head around how he’s just lost his love, his _life_. “You bastard. How could you do this? You said you’d be safe.” His body shivers with the sobs he doesn’t dare let escape. You promised you’d be okay.”

* * *

They touch back down ways away from the sinkhole, because no way are they leaving Tony down there, even if he’s… Bucky resolutely doesn’t think about it, and just focuses on digging through. Banner, who had already changed earlier to combat the HYDRA minions, somehow got up the energy to change again, to speed along the digging process. The Hulk seems angrier than he usually is, and if Bucky had any mind to consider it rather than try to push through his own guilt, he’d say that the Hulk was mourning just as bad as the rest of the team. Thor and Steve try to keep up a strong front, thinking it their responsibility or something, but there’s no mistaking the tear tracks shining on Thor’s face and the tremor in Steve’s chin. Clint had made a show of pulling his hearing aids out, and now he’s closed off to everyone, digging through with his back to the rest of them. Natasha might as well have turned her back also, her face stony and unreadable and not bothering to say anything to anyone.

SHIELD eventually makes their way to the scene, about a half hour after the team started digging. They do what they can to speed up the dig, but it still takes an hour or two until someone finally finds a scratched up, gauntleted hand. No one shouts out their find, but Bucky sees the agents congregating at a certain place, moving about a little more frantically. Steve must see, too, because he’s suddenly at Bucky’s side, pulling him away from the sinkhole and towards the QuinJet.

“It’s not something you need to see right now, Buck,” Steve murmurs sadly.

“No,” Bucky protests, trying to pull out of Steve’s grip, “I need to see. I need to see him, Steve, you gotta lemme see him!”

“Bucky, no.”

Steve wraps his arms around Bucky, who thrashes in vain for several minutes and spits out insults in the hopes that Steve will just let him go, let him see Tony one last time. Eventually, the thrashing dissolves into sobs, Bucky clinging to Steve like he’s the only thing keeping him here. In a way, Bucky thinks morbidly, he is.

“S-Stevie…”

“I know, Buck,” and Bucky can hear the tremor in Steve’s voice, can hear how close he is to falling apart right there. “I know it hurts.”

And Bucky just sobs, sobs until he’s too exhausted, diminishing into whimpers. “Make, make sure they don’t try to take ‘im. They can’t take Tony, Steve.”

Steve hushes him gently, stroking his hair in reassurance. “Don’t worry, Bucky, Natasha will make sure of it. She’ll make sure that they don’t take any part of him away.”

“God, I can’t… he’s gone. What am I going to do? How am I going to tell Pepper? Or Rhodey?”

“Hey, hey, don’t think about that right now, okay? We’ll figure these things out, we always do-” Steve cuts short, turning his head away. When Bucky bothers to look up from where he has his head tucked against his friend’s shoulder, he’s met with a confused frown. Someone is talking to him through the comms.

“JARVIS, what do you mean? We see him right here, there’s no way-” Steve’s stopped again, and a few seconds later his hands tighten against Bucky’s back. Steve’s face blanks out and then is filled with fury. “You bastard. You son of a bitch, how could you-”

Bucky pulls away, staring at Steve in confusion. “Stevie? What’s going on?”

“Don’t give me that _bullshit_ , Tony!” Steve shouts down the line, and Bucky feels his heart stop for a second time that day. “We saw you die, we’re digging your body up right now, we- because we weren’t going to leave your _fucking_ body to rust under the debris, you jackass!”

Bucky shakily shoves his hand into his pocket, grabbing the comm he pulled out before they even started digging. He shoves it in his ear, and a voice he never thought he would hear again is saying, “-time to tell you the specifics, Steve, I knew I didn’t have long before the damage the body took would short my system out, and then I would cease to exist, because shorting my system would wipe the memory! If the code’s gone, I’m gone, so I couldn’t expend it all on trying to tell you guys-”

“Tony?” Bucky says, wincing at how small his voice sounded, but pushing on. “Is… is that you?”

The line is silent, and Bucky fears for a second that he’s gone crazy, but Tony’s voice comes back much softer, “Yeah, Bucky. It’s me. I’m here.”

“But. But your body, it’s,” he glances over to where Natasha is browbeating the agents into giving the crushed body over. “You’re… you’re dead.”

Tony sighs and says, “My body shorted, yeah, but I’m not dead. I promise, babe, I’m still here. I’m still alive and kicking. Well, not kicking currently, but-”

“How?” Bucky feels full to the brim with grief, but something is trickling in anyway, something feeling a lot like anger.

“I have a, uh, separate server, where I can upload my code. It requires severing communication with JARVIS to connect with it, and it took a while to get uploaded, defragged, and connected back with JARVIS’ server. The body’s already being put together, it’ll take a few days before I can transfer to it, but-”

“Why?” And yes, now he’s definitely sure that what he’s feeling is anger. “Why would you not tell any of us about this separate server? Why did you have to put us through all that? Why did you have to put _me_ through all that again?”

“Bucky,” Tony sounds so lost, and it pisses Bucky off as much as it breaks his heart further, “Bucky, I’m sorry. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking-”

“Damn right, you weren’t.” Bucky yanks out the comm and shoves it back in his pocket, storming onto the jet in fury.

 

* * *

While Tony may be a pro at avoidance techniques, Bucky knows a thing or two about keeping to himself. He leaves his phone off most days, takes long walks through the city, and plays music through headphones all in the name of avoiding Tony. He doesn’t hate Tony, and he’s pretty sure he never could, but he’s pissed and just wants to be pissed for a while. It would also be a bad idea to have any conversation while he’s as pissed as he is because he’s pretty sure that would only spiral into a break-up.

He’s upset, but he doesn’t love Tony any less.

Steve, on the other hand, has no qualms about talking sense into the both of them. Bucky doesn’t know about Tony, but every time he meets up with Steve, he gets a rant about pulling his head out of his ass and doing something about the tension in the Tower. Denying anything to any degree just gets Steve riled up even further, and he starts talking about the keys to a healthy relationship and other such bullshit. Sometimes Bucky takes it, other times he gives as good as he gets, asking Steve when he became a relationship guru, if he’s hiding something from the rest of the team that he should know about. That usually leads to a louder argument, which leads to yelling, which leads to sparring, which leads Bucky to Medical because Steve pissed is a Steve who refuses to pull punches.

One evening, Bucky’s sneaking through the tower in the hopes of grabbing some leftovers from the dinner he missed out on. Only when he opens the fridge, the leftovers aren’t there. He frowns because he knows they always make or order a ton of food to satisfy his, Steve, and Thor’s appetites. No way Blondie One and Blondie Two ate all of it on their own.

“Pretty sure you know where the leftovers are gonna be, Buck,” Steve’s Brooklyn drawl startles him and when Bucky turns, Steve is standing by the bar, arms folded and jaw set in anger.

Bucky frowns at what Steve said, but after puzzling out his meaning, it’s finally clear. He groans. “Why the hell does he have a fridge down there, anyway?”

“Well, I didn’t ask for specifics, but from the sounds of it, he put it in for you.” Steve glares. “‘Cause, you know, he loves you.”

Bucky sighs, pushing the fridge closed. “Stevie-”

“Don’t start. It’s been nearly two weeks, and he’s beginning to think that you want to break up with him. Because you’re not even _talking_ to him about any of this. Not even to say that you need time. And I think you keep forgetting that you’re dating one of the most insecure people in the world.”

Bucky winces at the biting tone in Steve’s words and rubs the back of his neck. Originally, that’s what he needed, time. Time to think about how to express himself without causing another disaster, time to consider how he would better cope with their relationship, time to think of what he needs Tony to do to make this less stressful for himself. But then time drew out longer, and he still wasn’t saying anything. Bucky realizes now he’s just scared, scared of how this relationship pulls at him and makes him ache. Scared of what would happen to him if another situation like this happened.

But he can’t keep saying he’s scared. Tony’s probably terrified, because he’s probably the first one to know about who he is, and probably the only one who knows and is dating him. He probably prepared for every scenario where he ends up losing, and none of the scenarios where he ends up keeping everything he stood to lose. Because, like Steve mentioned, Tony is extremely insecure, always finding fault with himself before pushing blame on anyone else.

He sighs again, drops his head, and slowly nods. “Yeah. You’re right. I’ll… I’ll go talk to him.”

Steve stops glaring, but then his jaw is firm in stubbornness. “Right now.”

“Yes, right now, I’m going. Geez, Steve, since when did you become my mother?”

“Please, you put your mother through worse.”

* * *

Bucky’s not sure what he’s expecting when he goes down to the workshop, but it certainly isn’t Tony half buried in his own fabrication station, working on who knows what. It’s not so much the repairing that catches him off guard, but rather how incomplete Tony looks. And he doesn’t mean emotionally, he literally looks incomplete. What Bucky can see of Tony’s arms and legs are uncovered, the mechanical wires and skeleton exposed. He has no hair, not even facial hair and, when Tony startles and whips around to stare at him, no color to his irises.

They stand in silence, stunned at each other. Tony doesn’t even move to extricate himself from the station, hands still hanging in the air where they were working on something. Bucky himself can’t even bother to pretend to head towards the fridge. The lack of polish to Tony’s appearance has him no longer hungry, not because he’s disgusted by his boyfriend’s appearance, but because all of it reminds him of what he almost lost, what his main purpose for coming down here was.

Eventually, he clears his throat and asks, “This a new look you’re trying?”

Tony’s lips twitch slightly, and he finally pulls himself to his feet. “Yeah, I call it ‘Into the Uncanny Valley’. All the rage for us androids, you know.”

“Not really. You’re the only one I know of, so.” Bucky shrugs and looks away. He’s frustrated that he let things between them go unsaid this long, and curses himself for being so chicken.

Tony is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and heads over to the fridge - holy shit, how did Bucky not notice it until now? He’s been down here how many times, and he just now notices - and pulls out a plate covered in cellophane. “Well, this look is actually forced upon me by my _wonderful_ technology. The Cosmetic fabrication stopped after getting my head and torso covered, and I’ve been working with JARVIS for the past week trying to figure it out.”

Bucky blinks in surprise, both at Tony’s words and witnessing him stick the plate in a microwave he’s certain was not there before. “It’s taken you a whole week to figure it out? How broken is it?”

Tony’s fingers fidget with the cellophane he pulled off the plate. “Well, I say ‘working’. It, ah, has been broken for a whole week. But I might not have started working on it until last night? With Steve’s prompting?”

“You had other projects to work on?”

Tony looks at him briefly before staring back down at the cellophane in his hands, his neck working in nervousness. “Not… really.”

It’s then that Bucky understands what’s been keeping Tony from working on it, and he suddenly feels like a total jackass. This basically confirms everything Steve said and he thought of. He sighs, cursing his cowardice once again, before moving to Tony and wrapping him in a hug. Tony is stiff with surprise at first, but then quickly returns the hug, though his grip says more that he’s clinging. Like he’s afraid all of this is going to be taken away from him.

“We need to talk, babe,” Bucky sighs against Tony’s bald temple, “because I can’t keep doing this, where I’m constantly in fear of the day I lose you for good. I was terrified, I was grieving. Because it never occurred to me that you could move out of your body to a server. ‘Cause you never told me it was even possible.”

Tony nods into Bucky’s chest, taking a deep breath before saying, voice trembling, “I’m sorry.”

Bucky shushed him gently, “Shh, it’s okay, babe, it’s okay. Just answer me straight, alright? What can you not come back from?”

Tony sighs and hesitates before replying, “EMPs are pretty much impossible for me to come back from unless I’m not in the suit. My skin has magnetic blockers built in, sort of like nanobots, to keep that sort of thing from happening, but they don’t work when I connect to the suit, and the suit’s alloy is incapable of carrying the nanobots. I can detect any machine that is capable of the pulses, so I would, at least, have a chance to get out of range, but there’s no way to get out of the suit in the field.”

“What if you built something like a disassembly unit in the jet? Is that even possible?”

“It would imbalance the jet, and it’s too time-consuming getting in and out of the suit. EMPs only have a small radius of effect anyway, unless they were nuclear and then we’d have much more to worry about than just me, so it’s easier for me to shoot out of the radius and then get back into the fray once it’s dissipated.”

Bucky sighs, but nods. “Okay. What else?”

“Corrosive chemicals. It can be really damaging, but unless I fall into a vat of acid and stay in there, it doesn’t cause irreparable damage. I sort of have an alkaline solution that keeps certain functions protected, like around the motherboard and power source, and I can sever any compromised limbs to ensure it doesn’t cause more damage.”

“Please do not demonstrate that to me until it’s necessary. What else?”

“That’s pretty much it, my only weaknesses.”

“No possibility of viruses or anything like that?”

“Nope, my encryption is second to none. If the world found out about me, every government would be having a tug-of-war over that alone.” Tony pulls away enough to stare Bucky right in the eye, pained but serious. “Bucky, I swear, there’s basically nothing we normally face that I can’t jump back from. I’m frequently repairing hardware and coding, never letting any part of me become obsolete. Trust me, honey, I’ve been thinking about worst case scenarios for decades.”

The microwave dings at that moment, and Tony pulls away fully before Bucky can make any protest about how he can’t possibly know that. Warmed food in hand, Tony leads Bucky by the hand to an open workspace, and for a few minutes, they sit there while Bucky eats in silence.

Eventually, Tony pipes up. “It’s not easy for me, either, you know. This not knowing when’s the last time we’ll see each other. But you only have to worry about some Avengers-related disaster. Even if you survive every battle we rush into, I’m guaranteed to lose you.” Bucky starts and looks at Tony, and sees how downtrodden and mournful he is. “You’re human, Bucky. You’re organic, and all organics eventually fade away. Sure, your knock-off serum keeps you in working order for longer, but you can still die from natural causes.” Tony smiles sadly, his eyes looking tortured despite the lack of human characteristics to them. “There’s nothing natural about me.”

Bucky gulps his food past the tightness in his throat and chest. Looking back down to his food, he suddenly realizes why Tony might not like dwelling on his own weaknesses. Because then he’s reminded of his friends’ weaknesses, and how nothing, no upgrade, and no encryption, can take those weaknesses away. With a shuddering breath, Bucky says, “I, I think we’ll always have each other. If there’s any justice in the universe, there has to be some way to keep you with me. To keep me with you.”

Tony clenches his jaw, looks away. “You can’t know that.”

“No, but that’s the thing about belief. About faith. You hold out hope for it even with no proof that it’ll happen.” He looks at Tony, and then continues after brief deliberation, “Besides, there’s always the option of turning me into an android as well, right? You built yourself from scratch, you know how to code a sentient AI. So it wouldn’t be that hard, right?”

Tony groans, rubbing a hand over his head. “Maybe, but it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be you.”

“You’re not human. Nothing either of us does will change that.” Bucky takes Tony’s hand in his and says, “But you’re close enough in all the ways that count, in all the ways that matter.”

Tony stares at him, resigned and frustrated. He shifts in his seat before conceding, “I may be able to convert your consciousness into code. But… let’s not think about it right now, alright? Please? I can’t… I can’t.”

Bucky pulls Tony into a gentle kiss, though it’s filled with as much desperation. “Neither can I for you, Tony. So, please. If you ever think something might kill you, tell me. At least, give me the courtesy to prepare myself mentally.”

Tony nods, wrapping Bucky into another tight hug. And despite the heavy, morbid talk they just had, Bucky feels lighter, more at peace with himself and with them. It’s not perfect, and he doesn’t think it’ll ever be, but he finally knows how things stand between them and what to expect a little better than he did before. And he knows Tony a little better, in a way that wouldn’t have come about any other way. It’s heartbreaking, but that’s just how their relationship goes at this point. Heartbreaking and beautiful.

Bucky sighs then pulls away to give Tony a smile. “Well, how ‘bout you tell me what’s messed up with your fabrication station.”

Tony gives a tentative smile back, but snipes, “ _Unit_. Fabrication _unit_. And it’s not really anything too bad, just some clogged material rendering components…” And off he goes, rambling about the problems, and then moving towards the unit to actually start working on any ideas that spew out of his mouth. Bucky just watches on, amused and finally content after two weeks of uncertainty and fear, and continues eating his dinner. And once he’s done, maybe he’ll pull Tony away from the unit, maybe he’ll kiss him like he’s been wanting to since they came back from that mission, and maybe he’ll drag him off to bed so they can just wrap around each other, content in the closeness and their imperfections. And maybe he’ll fall asleep like that, wake up like that and, upon seeing Tony’s face in the pale morning light, never wish for anything other than what he has.


End file.
